Master Degree and Trial

I’ve been planning to enroll a Master Degree for what feels like years.

Well it’s literally quite some years now. But the progress is like..damn i can’t even. -face palm at this point.

That’s all for now. Will post more after this, i think.

Wong ini lo aslinya cuman nyoba nge-post dari HaPe. Nyoba aplikasi wordpress ceritanya. Asyik juga ternyata.




The Syndrome of A New Hijaber

I like going through my Instagram photos. Although there’s someone from my past (my ex, as I thought he is) lingers in the photo-sharing social media (and sometimes his posts make me cringe a little), I like looking at my old photos. Photos that I took and posted few weeks and many months ago.

Photos that intrigue me the most are photos of me not wearing hijab. Or as they call it ‘foto sebelum hijrah’. Those photos intrigue me mainly because..I’m usually like..damn that curly hair. It’s like the hair of Merida from Brave finally decided to dye her hair black –and a little bit of white.

This somehow brings me back to what happened few days ago, when I caught the reflection of me in the mirror wearing hijab. I don’t know..i somehow felt’s strange how I change these past few years.
Mungkin ini yang namanya ‘syndrome of new hijabers’ ya..’s the term I coined, alrite. LOL.

Anyways..tapi beneran deh. Saia tuh kadang masih merasa gimanaa gitu kadang-kadang kalo lagi pake/benerin hijab. Especially pas di depan kaca. Frankly, it’s like a very small part of me kinda dislike me wearing hijab –to which my consciousness always tell me that it’s the right thing to do. It is. I know it is. Wong ya perintahnya udah ada dan jelas kan??

The feeling is somehow alien –it’s almost indescribable. It’s ya.. It’s like the very small part of me saying ‘You serious wearing that, gurl?? You sure you not high??’
Iya..logatnya ala ala gengsta amrik gitu deh.
Then, I’ll be like in kinda deep thought while fixing my hijab. Done with the wearing and fixing, the thought usually also disappears slowly.
And that’s how the cycle goes.

I once shared to my colleague about what I’ve been feeling, and she said that it was normal for a new hijaber. Jadi ceritanya saia itu masih dalam fase orang baru gitu deh –orang baru pake hijab dan hijrah. I think it’s up to me now whether to lose the feeling or deal with it.

Emang sih semacam aneh binti awkward gitu. Salah satu alas an kenapa bisa timbul such alien feeling mungkin karena I was raised in liberal/diplomatic family kali ya. Jadi gak banyak berinteraksi dengan orang-orang berhijab.
Any feeling that I have toward me wearing hijab, somehow I know it’s the best thing for me. And yes, one thing for sure InsyaAllah it’s for a better and better future. Aamiin.

Jadi luar dalam masih in the process of renovation. When do I know I would be ready? I wouldn’t. Allah SWT yang tahu. Tapi mungkin..ketika saia dan orang-orang tercinta bahagia, I know it’s done. By then, tinggal memelihara dan memperbaiki lagi hal-hal kecil lainnya.
Until then, I am improving myself in and out. For a better future. Ecieeeeeh..better future jaree..

Eh tapi beneran..because of that very reason, I have to stand my ground. I mean ketika such alien feeling comes, I know that it’s just spur of the moment, and that it’s just the devil in me who tries to drag me back to the past. Semoga saia kuat. Aamiin.


It’s Not What You Say…

So yesterday mom grumbled about her sister being (kinda) harsh to her.
Jadi ceritanya ibuk saia ngobrol sama budhe tentang pakpuh (suaminya budhe) yang lagi ngamar di rumah sakit. Ibuk bilang ke budhe kalo eyang kakung (ayahnya papa saia) dulu penah ngamar di rumah sakit dengan sakit yang sama.

And this exchange (translated from Javanese to Bahasa) took place:
Budhe: Kamarnya itu kecil. Terus ada beberapa fasilitas yang harus bayar. Obatnya juga.
Ibuk: O..kalo bapak mertua dulu kamarnya gedhe, mbak. Biayanya juga udah ditanggung seluruhnya sama asuransi kesehatan.
Budhe: Ya dulu sama sekarang beda lah.
And so on.
Nah. Bagian percakapan itu tuh yang jadi bahan curhatan ibuk saia.

So this was our conversation last night, while my budhe was sleeping in the guests room:

Ibuk: Lha yo. Kalo ngasi tau ya biasa aja gitu lo maksudnya. Kamu tau kan kemaren itu budhe ngomong apa?

Me: Yang curhat tentang pakpuh itu kah?

Ibuk: Iya. Masa bilang dulu sama sekarang beda, nadanya kok kayak gitu.

Me: Er..

Ibuk: Iya. Kok nyentak segala. Nggak usah lah kayak gitu. Ya kan?

Me: Er..iya sih..

Saat itu saya bertanya-tanya ’emang budhe nadanya nyentak ya pas itu?’ Seingat saya budhe saya ceritanya datar-datar aja gitu. Iya sih ada beberapa bagian yang mungkin dia agak berapi-api ceritanya, tapi ndak nyentak juga sih. Apa mungkin ibuk saia kali ya yang lagi sensi.

For a moment i was thinking,

then i was like.. is a woman. Basically it’s not what someone said -it’s more like how he/she said it. Jadi bukan apa yang dikatakan, tapi bagaimana cara mengatakan sesuatu.

Most women are like that, aren’t they?

Mom is too. Maybe i am too. Who knows.



The Tie

She sat quietly on a bench, holding a wrapped box on her both hands. Tightly. She held it tightly like it was a precious piece of jewelry. As if she would not exchange it for anything in the world. People walked passed her like they didn’t even see her –maybe they wanted to say a thing or two to her, but they held it back somehow.
Inside the wrapped box was a gift for her beloved father. A tie. She thought her father would like it because it would be perfect for the shirt he had. It was a white shirt, and the tie she bought was stripped blue. An elegant combination for her old man, she thought.
She wanted to give the tie to her father because it was his birthday. She was supposed to give the tie when her father came home from work. But she still sat quietly on the bench in front of her house.
“Come on, sweetie. It’s time. They’re going to give a final ceremony before your father’s burial. You are the only family member, so you have to come..”, her auntie’s voice broke her silent reverie. Her auntie patted her head softly, and then went back inside the house.
She still sat quietly on the bench, imagining if she had given the tie to her father.



Students oh Students

So i’ve been a teacher for quite a while now -three years. Dan salah satu hal menarik yang saia temukan selama jadi guru/dosen adalah berbagai jenis mahasiswa.

Nah di postingan kali ini saya mau ceritain tentang satu jenis mahasiswa yang unik nih. Well..some teachers/lecturers mungkin nggak begitu unik sih. Tapi buat saya..gimana ya..unusual gituh.

Anyways, jadi jenis mahasiswa ini namanya adalah mahasiswa nekat.
Kenapa nekat?
Karena walaupun duduknya di depan proctor/penjaga ujian, teteeep aja masih nglirik jawabannya temen sebelah dia.

Padahal sumpah dia itu duduk di depan (agak samping dikit sih) saya loh. Tapi masih nekat pake u aja dia contekan. Oh btw, nekat pake u itu jadi nuekat ya.

Dan uniknya lagi, pas dia liat saya senyumin dia..dia nyante aja gitu, senyum balik.
Untungnya saya berhasil meredam keinginan untuk ngakak sambil ngelus dada.

Oh, students.

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